Wednesday, November 4, 2009
RJA #11a: Introduction
Does it make you feel better to know that our youth are become lazier every generation? Wouldn’t you like to do something about it? Apparently not, instead of trying to reverse the trend, were pushing the ball off the top of the mountain. In our government instituted public schools Physical Education programs are being cut and recess is being dropped faster than a hot potato. Why is this happening? Does No Child Left Behind ring a bell? Is this program really helping or is it actually hurting our children? Physical Education and recess should not be removed from our schools because both of these activities reduce stress, release energy, help with focus in the classroom, get children to build there social abilities and network, have higher academic performance, and are good for our childrens health.
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I think that the first couple of questions for your introduction is awesome. It really gets the reader interested. The only thing I would advise is that your thesis statement is too long. I would maybe try to take out the higher acedemic proformance, because it's kind of the same as help with focus in the classroom. I also think that releasing energy doesn't have to be in your thesis statement, because you can explain that in your paragraphs with releasing stress. Other then that I think your introduction is really good.
ReplyDeleteI like how you started off your introduction with a question because its a really good way to get the readers interested in your topic. The only thing i would say is that you could probably make the into a bit longer. Besides that you have a really good intro.
ReplyDeleteYour intro grabbed my attention. I would and will keep reading because I agree with you whole heartedly. Your thesis statement hits the main points for keeping P.E. in schools.
ReplyDeleteLooks like you have got it covered. You hooked me from the first sentence. Thesis sounds great!
ReplyDeleteGood introduction! I would just say, expand on the main points you have stated already.
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