Question: How will lack of recess and PE affect grade school children?
Thesis: Physical Education and recess should not be removed from our schools because both of these activities reduce stress, helps with focus in the classroom, gets children to build there social abilities and network, they have higher academic performance, and they are both great for releasing energy.
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You made your stance clear and laid out the paper well but it might be just a little too long. You seem to have three main points with rude stress, helps focus in the classroom, and get children to build their social abilities and network but then the rest of it doesn't flow as nicely and you might not even need it. If you keep it shorten it might help you organize your body a little easier and stay on track. Good points though and well constructed otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI think that your thesis sentence is really good, but I do agree that it is a little long. I think that you should keep with the three main points also, but use the other points to support your three main points.
ReplyDeleteVery well said, great wording. I would just say, to shorten it a little and try to combine some of your points to give out an even powerful message =)
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